Dipping one’s pen in the company ink

Engaging in romantic relations with someone from work is obviously not advised and can lead to deeply uncomfortable and cringe-out scenarios post-hook up.

In many working environments, it’s easy to abstain – eg my last job – the prospect of even shaking hands with the heavily perspiring elderly man who sat behind me was nothing short of inconceivable, let alone any jiggery pokery being at play. But when there’s so many hotties around and copious socials with a free bar.. What. Is. A. Gal. To. Do.

I figure there’s 3 key elements to executing an office romance / hook-up unscathed:

  1. You don’t work closely – because nobody wants to have to be drawing up a PowerPoint presentation with their ‘colleague’ post pump and tag-teaming the performance.
  2. You have a good escape plan – eg impending resignation. Who cares at this point if you’re being ‘recognised for the wrong reasons’.
  3. You’re discreet – lol. This never happens because one of you will ALWAYS tell someone and then the chat travels like wildfire all the way to the top. Apparently, our CEO knows EVERYTHING that goes down.

Many of my friends have crossed the line at work with colleagues – from my old m8 Maggie who started getting down n dirty with the chef that worked at her office – I advised her against shitting, quite literally, where she eats – now it’s all over and she will have to army crawl her way into the canteen for a croissant forevermore.

Then there’s Roxy  – who’s behaved deeply inappropriate with most members of her team – only to then feel incredibly awkward each Monday following the inevitable office indiscretions from the previous weekend – head held low, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

And of course, there are the success stories – like my previous boss who is totes in love, married & up the duff with a previous colleague. CUTE.

All of the above brings me on to my most recent faux pas. You may recall in a previous post that I noted the 10/10 model status of all those who work at my office. When I first started, my manager advised me that it was not wise to engage in anything romantic with anyone from work – naturally I proclaimed that ‘I would never do that. Totes inappropes. Totes unprofesh’…. At the time, I really meant it. But fast-forward 4 weeks and I am doing nude butterfly stroke at the local beach with the guy who sits in IT. EOHHPSAAAY.

To give you the backstory – it was our last pre-Christmas day at work and at midday the Director demanded we all go to the local rooftop bar immediately.

The drinks are flowing and the chat is lols. I ended up getting on particularly well with Simon – an Aussie who works in another team and was cracking me up all evening. One thing leads to another and 11 hours of drinking later, we somehow decide a to get a taxi 40 minutes to the no-so-local beach to go skinny dipping. Long story short, I woke up on top of my covers, sand everywhere, no bra on, my dress inside out & a Marge Simpson sea salt hair lid …with Simon beside me (also fully clothed). Moaning that I BEEN A BAD GURL AND WE SHOULDN’T HAVE DONE THAT.

Having said that, nothing wrong with a cheeky midnight swim, right? Whilst somewhat regrettable, it was a bit of innocent fun… which I can simply NEVER DO AGAIN.

Whilst my motto in life is: There’s no point cringing out over what you did the night before, because you’re only going to do it again.. I can confirm that I will be very much on the cusp of 10/10 cringe for my next day at work.

#NoShame #NoRegrets #SeeYouOnMondaySimon.

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